Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Big Decision

I'm going to have this post on this blog & Berkley's for documentation's sake- 'cause it's about me and it's about Berkley.

So- here's what's been going on...
I decided that after the Christmas holiday I will not be returning to my job teaching at Hanes Middle School. I'm going to stay at home with Berkley!

After much deliberation, consideration and lots of prayer I decided that it's what's best for me for now.

Let's go ahead & get the obvious out of the way...
Raise your hand if you ever thought I'd be a stay-at-home-mom.
No hands?
Yeah- me either.

I never believed that this would be my calling in life, but I do believe that for now, that's exactly what it is. I absolutely love being home with my baby boy. I love watching him grow and learn and interact.

Although I've only been working every other day my heart just isn't in it. I find myself counting the minutes until I can leave and go home to Berkley. The days I'm home I find myself dreading going to school the next day. It's not fair to my kids at school to have a teacher who just isn't as invested as she could be.
Last year I really felt that my students needed ME to be their teacher. It was a tough year with some really tough kids, but I loved it & was committed to it. This year things are much different & I think these students need a good teacher- but not necessarily me as their teacher.
As a part-time teacher I don't have my own classroom & don't have a group of teachers with whom I closely associate. So any thoughts of having lots adult interaction to look forward to haven't really panned out.
On top of all of that, we were giving almost 100% of my part-time paycheck to our nanny. Nicki is phenomonal with Berkley & to tell you the truth, letting her go was my final hesitancy in making the decision.
So, it really wasn't that tough of a decision when it came down to it. Now I get to stay home with my sweet baby boy, do a better job caring for our home, and continue challenging myself to be a creative, intelligent, healthy woman.

Monday I told my principal I was resigning and he was incredibly supportive. He reminded me that family should always come first and he was behind me 100%. Then I went home and told Nicki that we wouldn't need her after the holidays. I cried the entire time I was talking to her. It just breaks my heart to let her go, but hopefully she'll still be around for the occasional date night or day out.

I feel so great about my decision. I don't know how long I will stay at home, but I know this school year it's the right thing to do. I've been having lots of vocational questions lately anyway, and this will truly afford me the opportunity to sort those out. I know that I am called to vocational ministry (not teaching), so perhaps now I can focus a little more intensely on prayers and conversations with God about that. All the while, I get to experience life with an amazing gift from God in my sweet son.

Thanks to all of you who prayed whether or not you knew what was going on.
My spirit is at peace, and I am blessed with a tremendous amount of joy as I consider the journey on which I about to embark.
Thanks be to God.

4 comments:

Jenn Beyer said...

so happy for you! I'll definitely be praying for you for whatever else is to come in the future - many, many exciting things I'm sure of!

Courtney said...

wow! what a HUGE decision! so glad you feel peace about it! you'll LOVE it!

Laurie Cutler said...

I'm so happy for you, Courtney! Very surprised, but very happy! :) Love you!

julie said...

Good for you, Courtney! Being a SAHM isn't for everybody, but your words here make it clear that it IS for you, at least for this season of life. Don't delude yourself into thinking you'll be able to keep the house cleaner, though. That will only get harder as Berkley grows. :) A clean house really isn't the most important thing in a child's life, anyway. (It just needs to be clean *enough.*) Spend as much time with little Berkley as you can. Kids change SO fast! One thing about parenting that nobody can ever prepare you for is how HARD it is to watch your child grow up! It is wonderful and painful at the same time. You are absolutely right to put your whole self where your heart is - with precious Berkley!

If you don't already have some "mommy friends," there are some groups in our area. Meetup.com is a good place to start looking. Your church and YWCA might be good places for you to make connections, too. When Riley (my older one) was a baby, we were still in Richmond and I didn't have any friends with children. We went to Kindermusik, but I didn't really make any connections there. When we moved here I made a friend at our YMCA who brought me into a SAHM group in K'ville. It has been one of the biggest blessings for me! I LOVE staying home with my boys (though Riley is in Kindergarten now, sniff sniff!), but having other friends both for me and for them is really important, too.

Oops, I didn't mean to write a whole book here! Enjoy your last day teaching and then celebrate the beginning of this next life adventure! :D