Better

Today is better.

At least, I'm better than today.

Sorry to those of you who were worried.

I definitely feel like a better mom today.

I realize that kids fall on their heads (this is the 2nd time for my boy), but it was just tough to shake that feeling that I shouldn't have let him fall. He hits his head on things all. the. time., but that's usually his own fault!

He's such a tough boy, but I don't want to be the reason his toughness is tested.

As for Nanna- she is having a fairly risky procedure this afternoon- an ERCP- to hopefully remove a gall stone she has that has moved out of her gall bladder into a precarious position. There are many risks with this procedure, but it could also be incredibly helpful. If it is successful, they will also remove her gall bladder (which has several stones) sometime next week.

I never, ever imagined my Nanna being sick. She has been the picture of health for nearly 88 years, and I just never pictured her going through the illness & struggle she has over the last few months. I am praying for peace and comfort- that regardless of the outcome, she would not have to live with a diminished quality of life.

It's hard to be here & not be able to see her or at least be with my mom in this tough time. Since children under 18 aren't allowed in most hospitals right now, I can't just take Berkley with me, so I'm waiting until Stephen gets home from work to decide what to do. I may go down tonight- I may wait until tomorrow. Thankfully, the roads aren't nearly as bad as they could have been with winter storm #3.

Thanks to everyone for your prayers & encouraging words yesterday. I am in much better spirits today. I guess we all have no good, very bad days every once in a while!

Winter Weather #3

I feel like this winter was simply made for me. Every year I wish for "just one good snow storm", and so far this year we've had 3!

I woke up this morning to see this...

This snow is already melting, but it sure was beautiful at the time.

I hear there's more on the way next week.

Bring it on!

No Good, Very Bad Day

I'm having a tough day.

My child rolled off the bed in his room this morning. He hit his head pretty hard. He seems fine, but I still feel like a horrible mom.

My Nanna is in the hospital with a diagnosis of pancreatitis and is having her gall bladder removed. Although her health has been in significant decline recently, it has just hit me harder today than it has so far.

I have a house that is in need of serious cleaning, laundry that needs folding, and a myriad of other projects to tend to.

I am unmotivated and emotional.

I need either a do-over, or for tomorrow to hurry up and get here.

Almost Forgot

Friday night, the snow had just begun & we had gone out to dinner with friends. On the way home we needed to stop at the grocery store for trash bags (random I know, but we seriously needed them).
Trash bags happen to be opposite of the bread aisle. I grew up here in NC, and still do not understand the run on bread & milk that happens the night before snow is even mentioned on the news. How many sandwiches can a family make in the 2 or 3 days they might be stuck inside?
I just had to take this picture with my phone when we walked down the aisle.

January Snow

I love snow.
I don't know why I live in the South because I would be quite content to live somewhere that it snowed every day in the winter. Every November or December I start wishing & hoping for at least one good snow. So far, this winter has not disappointed me.
It started snowing last Friday & snowed/sleeted practically all day on Saturday. Since we had taken Berkley out in our December snow, we weren't quite as rushed to get him out in the freezing cold wintry mix, so we stayed in all day Saturday. Our road has a pretty great sledding hill right in front of our house, so we had a great time watching everyone sled from the warmth of our living room.
When it snowed in December the neighborhood kids discovered that we have a great sled we will let them borrow & that our yard is a fun place to play. So, they came back on Saturday- knocking on the door to borrow our sled, and making our yard their playground. In front of our yard we have a brick retaining wall between us and the sidewalk. The kids decided this 4 foot drop would be a great place to build a ramp. So, they packed up the snow to make a ramp from our yard to the street. It was pretty smart and looked fun.
Kids & adults had a great time sledding from the top of our yard down to the road- with only a little bump in between. Stephen tried it out Saturday night, but I never did get around to it (I'm kind of bummed about that).
Sunday, our yard was filled with folks sledding again, and then again Monday kids came back to play. As the snow has melted, I've been shocked that the ramp has stayed intact and no one has gotten hurt yet.
Yesterday a 13 year old boy came & was so excited from his fun on Monday that he brought his mom with him. She got on the tiny circular sled with him & they happily slid down the ramp into the now melting street. I couldn't help but think about how great it would be if Berkley will sled with me when he is 13!
I finally got out yesterday & took pictures. Obviously, it is not a winter wonderland around here anymore- it's a land of slush & ice that has frozen and thawed over the course of several days. But- here are the pictures of our ramp. I'm hoping we get at least one more good snow this year so the kids will rebuild it & I can actually participate this time!There have been lots of leftover gloves & other winter gear left in our yard!

Prayer

Today I am beginning a season of intentional prayer.

Praying for God to move, not only in my heart, but in the hearts of those around me; that God would show us how to really share God's love with the world.

I'm only writing this down so I will remember the day I began praying fervently & one day when the answers and path are made clear, I will be able to point to this moment when God started really stirring my heart.

What Age?

I'm a bit perplexed today.

I got married at 26- felt like a good age to me...relatively young, but old enough that I had lived a little and experienced life on my own prior to getting hitched. It was the right age for me.
Stephen & I have enjoyed our time together immensely & intentionally waited for 5 years (and would have been fine waiting longer) before adding a child to our family.

However, sometimes I wonder if it's better to have children when you're younger and haven't experienced that much. While there's something to be said for experiencing all you can before you have a child to "tie you down", I think the later you wait, the more you know what you're missing and the more difficult it is to adjust.

Don't read more into this than I'm saying. I love my baby boy & am thrilled to have him in our lives. I'm just curious: Why do I feel like it's better to get married when you're older, but better to have a baby when you're younger?

Empowered

There are many things that seminary did not prepare me for.
I could write volumes on that topic.

But I realized this morning that one thing seminary did do was empower me.
When I graduated from PTS I felt more intelligent, more compassionate, more globally aware, more connected to God's calling than any other time in my life.

My first church both benefited and probably cringed at my sense of empowerment (not entitlement, mind you- empowerment).

I felt like I could do whatever God wanted me to do.
I felt in tune with exactly what that was.
I felt knowledgeable, gifted, wise, and equipped.
I felt I could preach and counsel and write.

I loved God's people better and deeper and stronger.

My prayer is to once again feel empowered.
Oh Lord, hear my prayer.

Motivated

Sometimes I think that God brought me & Stephen together so that God could get a great laugh.
I am one of the least self-disciplined, procrastinating-prone people in the world.
My husband is the opposite.
He literally jumps out of bed each morning ready to begin the day.
He has been known to paint part of our house in the 5 minutes it took me to finish getting ready before going somewhere.
In contrast, he has said of me & my parents, "Y'all are the most 'fixin' to' people I've ever met in my life."
It's true. We like to ponder things, relax a bit, and eventually we get around to it.
When he sees something that needs to be done, he just does it. There is no time for considering something. It just gets done.
You can see how this would be an incredible blessing my life. And, occasionally it also provides for a little bit of comic relief.
This morning Stephen got to head to work a little later than usual due to an important work meeting in another town. We had a nice leisurely morning together, and then he got dressed in a nice suit & tie, kissed us goodbye, and headed out. I put Berkley down to play and headed into the kitchen to clean up a few things.
I looked out the kitchen window and saw that his car was still in the driveway. I thought, "Huh. That's weird."
I listened to hear if he was still in the house, and deduced that he wasn't. (This took all of 2 seconds since our house is tiny)
I looked in the back yard to see if he was doing something out there.
And all of a sudden I saw this: What in the world?
He was up there putting something over a tiny hole we have in our garage roof from when our neighbor's tree fell on it.
He figured he had a few minutes to spare, so he might as well hop up there & fix it. If we'd had some extra shingles lying around I'm quite sure he would've taken to nailing those in right then & there.
I am so grateful for a motivated husband who doesn't have a "fixin' to" bone in his body.

Passive Aggressive

It's no secret (just ask SW) that I have a few passive aggressive tendencies.
I could go fairly in depth on the various episodes I have had when that ugly trait has shown itself.
But, most recently and most frequently I have been taking my passiveness out on the Red Cross.
I know. The Red Cross? Seriously?
They are driving me crazy!
Here's the story:
I have been giving blood regularly since I was 18. It has never bothered me, so I have felt it my duty to participate in such a simple way of helping folks. However, there have been a couple of years in which I had to take a break. The first time I went to Kenya I had to wait 2 or 3 years before they would accept my blood. The second time I went to Kenya (& also went to Guatemala that summer) I had to wait a year (I guess they changed the "wait time"). Then, obviously I couldn't give blood while I was pregnant.
Even after the breaks I have given blood regularly, and I think that has led to my demise.
I am on their phone list.
I get calls all. the. time.
They called several times when I was pregnant and after telling them twice that I was pregnant, they finally removed me from the list temporarily, but not before noting my due date. And once September rolled around, they fell into calling once again.
I appreciate a reminder of how important it is to give blood. I believe in giving blood. However, it is just not a top priority right now. It is very difficult to reserve a time to give blood when Berkley is not with me.
Correction... I would find the time to give blood if they would quit calling me.
Seriously.
They call me at least once a week, if not twice.
Sometimes I answer & try to explain that I'm just not able to make an appointment right now (the other thing that makes it tough- you used to be able to just walk in anytime; now you have to make an appointment). Sometimes I get tired of answering & let it go to voicemail- I know it's them when I see that 704 area code out of Charlotte.
I'm over it.
I want to give blood, but now I get all passive aggressive and think, "If you would quit calling me for just a couple of weeks, I would probably get around to it."
It's a horrible thing to be passive aggressive about. People need blood. I'm a universal donor. I'm being incredibly selfish and tacky to do this.
If only they would stop calling me...

Cheer Days

(This post is especially for Leslie & her "love" of cheerleaders!)

My new scanner has afforded me the opportunity to go through a bunch of old pictures that weren't in albums for whatever reason. I recently found a collection of cheerleading pictures from middle & high school. I'm missing 10th & 12th grade pictures, but I'm sure I'll run across them sometime & I'll eventually throw a college cheer picture in too. But here are the pictures I have on hand. You have permission to laugh.

7th Grade 1990-1991
8th Grade 1991-19929th Grade 1992-199311th Grade 1994-1995